Approaching Denial: Compassionate Strategies For Communicating With An Alcoholic

This can be challenging, and it’s important to seek professional guidance if needed. Speaking from a place of support and a genuine desire to help, rather than leading with judgment or anger, is essential. Use “I” statements to convey your feelings and observations without placing blame, such as “I feel worried when I see…”

When a loved one has a drinking problem, it’s hard to know how to help, especially if they are in denial. Sometimes, helping a high-functioning alcoholic recognize the problem starts with simply hearing concern from more than one person. Living with a functional alcoholic or someone in denial about their alcohol dependence can drain your emotional energy.

Professional Resources

Instead of using confrontational language and labels such as “alcoholic,” focus on expressing concern about their behaviours and the consequences. Remember to take care of your own well-being throughout this process by seeking support from therapists or support groups. Encourage them to seek professional help, such as therapy or counselling, and provide information about available resources, such as support groups or rehabilitation centres. Instead of accusing or judging, express your concerns and how their drinking behaviour makes you feel. Be patient and persistent, and seek support for yourself through therapy, support groups, or other self-care practices. It is important to understand that they might not be ready to accept their drinking problem or make changes.

Luxe Recovery

Remember, it’s just as important for your well-being as it is for theirs. Learning the facts and how to spot the signs gives you the knowledge and confidence to act with care, not fear. Some rehab centers offer family education programs, which can help you understand how alcoholism is a disease, not a moral failure.

  • If you know someone in denial about their alcohol disorder, here are some tips on how to talk to them.
  • Encourage them to seek professional help, such as therapy or counselling, and provide information about available resources, such as support groups or rehabilitation centres.
  • Helping someone who doesn’t see their alcohol consumption as a problem can be painful and frustrating.
  • According to Spotorno, “With time, the brain stops just associating alcohol with pleasure or relaxation, and can begin to recognize alcohol consumption as required for basic functioning.
  • “People may experience an unhealthy relationship with alcohol for many different reasons.

Melody is here to help as you adjust to a life with less (or no) alcohol. Our daily research-backed readings teach you the neuroscience of alcohol, and our in-app Toolkit provides the resources and activities you need to navigate each challenge. The Reframe app equips you with the knowledge and skills you need to not only survive drinking less, but to thrive while you navigate the journey.

  • For example, say, “Therapy isn’t about blaming you—it’s about giving you a safe space to talk and figure things out.” Avoid using language that implies judgment or failure, as this can reinforce denial.
  • Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a condition characterised by an impaired ability to stop or control alcohol use despite adverse social, occupational, or health consequences.
  • This can be challenging, and it’s important to seek professional guidance if needed.
  • Talking to an alcoholic in denial can be incredibly challenging, as they often resist acknowledging their problem due to fear, shame, or a lack of awareness.
  • For example, you can say, “I feel worried when I see…” It is important to acknowledge the struggles they may be facing and show that you recognise and care about their hardship.

Seeking Professional Guidance

It may also be helpful to seek professional guidance on the best time and place to approach the person struggling with alcohol use. For example, you could ask how they feel their drinking might be affecting their health, career, and personal life. Open-ended questions about alcohol use and its impact on health, career, and personal life can be a great way to start the conversation. Prioritize your own well-being by setting boundaries, seeking support from friends or a therapist, and avoiding enabling behaviors. Remember, you cannot control their choices, but by setting and maintaining boundaries, you can create a healthier environment for both of you while fostering the possibility of positive change.

Encouraging Professional Help and Intervention

Helping a loved one in denial about their substance abuse problems is never easy. Their struggle with addiction does not make them a bad person. Let them know they’re not alone, and they can get help at any time.

This will encourage them to feel listened to and understood, increasing the likelihood of them opening up about their drinking habits and any underlying issues. Start by choosing the right time and place for the conversation. For instance, you can point out recent incidents where their drinking has led to high-risk behaviors, jeopardized their work, or caused disappointment to those who care about them. Rather than accusing or blaming your loved one, focus on specific examples of their drinking behavior and how it has impacted their life and the people around them. Recognize that their addiction is not necessarily a choice, and they may need professional help to overcome it.

When you’re ready to talk, timing and setting matter. Helping someone who doesn’t see their alcohol consumption as a problem can be painful and frustrating. Someone unaware might benefit more from open, non-judgmental conversations and education. When someone is in denial, they often know something is wrong but choose to ignore or hide it, perhaps out of fear or shame. If you’re sensing a disconnect between what they say and what you see, how to talk to an alcoholic in denial you’re not alone. You might notice them hiding bottles, lying about how much they’ve had, or drinking alone.

Get Help for Your Loved One: Hope Starts Here

Trying to help an alcoholic in denial can feel isolating and confusing. When encouraging an alcoholic who is in denial to seek professional help, it is important to approach the situation with empathy, patience, and strategic communication. Enabling an alcoholic in denial may include making excuses for their drinking or shielding them from the consequences of their actions. Alcohol use disorder is a serious health condition, and people with this disorder may engage in denial due to shame, lack of education about alcohol addiction, or a genetic predisposition to the disease.

Set Boundaries: Clearly state limits to protect yourself while encouraging change

It is normal to feel angry, frustrated, or helpless when dealing with a loved one’s alcohol addiction. Continue to approach the conversation with patience and persistence, choosing the right time and place for open and honest discussions. They may also be in denial because they are genuinely unaware of their addiction or are ambivalent about making a change. With residential, outpatient and virtual care options available across the country, Hazelden Betty Ford treatment centers offer every patient the very best chance for lifelong recovery.

It is important to find the right therapy for the individual, as no single treatment will benefit everyone. This may include medication, behavioural therapies, or support groups. One option is to contact a professional interventionist, who will structure the planning process, guide the intervention team, and lead the event.

Use I Statements: Share feelings without blame, e.g., I worry about your health

Whatever the situation is, though, you know it’s only going to get worse. That it was a one-time thing. It is also important not to make excuses for their drinking, as this gives them a stronger illusion of control. Avoid approaching them while they are intoxicated, as this does not often end well.

How can I talk to someone about their drinking if they are in denial? Why is denial common in people with AUD? Help is there and it’s available, but logistics can sometimes get in the way, especially with the fog of AUD making daily tasks difficult. Difficult as it may be, it’s crucial to set boundaries in these situations.

Addiction Intervention for …

Inpatient rehab, outpatient counseling, alcohol detox, or support groups all provide the necessary help for alcohol use disorder. Introduce alcohol treatment options without pressure. Patience, boundaries, and the right kind of support are crucial. These often make an alcoholic more likely to dig in or shut down.

Support your loved one in cultivating new interests and engaging in social activities that do not involve drinking. Additionally, consider seeking help from a professional interventionist, who can guide you in planning and conducting an intervention. Educating yourself will better equip you to support them effectively.

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